


Dear Hannah

by TheVeryLastValkyrie



Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: And Not Be in Love With Her Two Different Ways, Because They Need Her to Be Weak So They Can Be Strong, F/M, Hannah's Not Freaking so Adam is Angry, Hannah's Not Freaking so Jessa is Guilty, Still Not Over How Butthurt They Have to Be Over Her in Order to Be AT ALL, Still Not Over the Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 11:57:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6955591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVeryLastValkyrie/pseuds/TheVeryLastValkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're glue, Hannah, and we need you be fucked up to be glue. We need you to be fucked up to be glue, to hold us together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Hannah

Dear Hannah, please fuck up.

 _Please_.

He means it. I mean it too, you know.

 _Hannah_.

How can we go on the way we are with you going on the way you are? You know what makes this safe? The fact you care. The fact you will tear things, and cry, and generally be an asshole about this. You make it safe for us to do what we want, secure because we know that if you have a problem with it, it’s because you’re not a good person. It’s not our fault.

_AA is supposed to stop you doing shit like this. Someone should fix it. Someone should make it so it stops you doing shit like this._

It’s not AA, it’s you. You're glue, Hannah, and we need you be fucked up to be glue. We need you to be fucked up to be glue, to hold us together. You’re selfish. You’re weak. You’re a child.

_You’re not._

And if you’re not these things, then nothing is safe. Where are the walls around my fucking heart? Can I throw up whatever’s twisting up my stomach? I don’t get guilty, I move on. I move forward, Hannah, and I don’t feel horrible. I don’t allow myself to feel terrible for the terrible things I’ve done, probably will do. Fuck guilty, at least I’m not a terrorist like you. I don’t hold people hostage with my emotions. I don’t ask for more, then get more, then ask for more again because I don’t know when to stop. How much candy is too much candy for you, Hannah? How much love?

_I’ve never been the kid. I’m not the kid. It’s you, Kid. I didn’t need you, but it made life better to have you, easier, warmer. I don’t need to need you if you need me. I don’t need an excuse to come back, you’re always the excuse. I have to, or one day it’s gonna be you, hanging from the light, and someone else is gonna have to tell your parents you shit your pants when you died. Kid, I don’t need you to be a grownup. I need you on tap, all day, every day, so I don’t have to need you, because you’re there. You’re right there, right in front of me, or right around the corner, so I don’t have to think about you.  
_

We can only love each other if we don’t love you.

_Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?_

Why do you have to be okay?

_I'm done talking about you._

Dear Hannah, I love you, and I’m always going to love you, but I think maybe I could put it off for a while, and just be happy, just be a little bit happy, just grab hold of the fucking corresponding fucking puzzle piece and just fit. Dear Hannah, please fuck up so I can laugh at you in my head while I fuck your boyfriend.

_You’ll get too close if you don’t fuck up soon. You’re right on top of this. You’re not hiding in your bedroom, you’re living in the world, and the world used to be me, and now I’m not the world. Now all I am is everything I’m not, and we fuck, and we fight, and we fuck about you, and we fight about you, but I’m not the world._

It’s selfish that you can’t be more selfish.

_And I can’t see you anymore, not laughing, not smiling, not doing stupid shit with your stupid face, to your stupid hair.  
_

Dear Hannah, please fuck up.

 _Please_.


End file.
